When it comes to marriage one of the most important aspects to any fruitful marriage is truthfulness. Truthfulness to a sound marriage is as important as a strong foundation when building a home.If the foundation is weak then the house will be unstable.
We should ask ourselves what does it mean to be truthful in once marriage? It doesn’t mean being truthful only with the tongue but it encompasses the entire personality.Sheikh Abdur Rahman Mahdi stated:
“In Islam, truthfulness is the conformity of the outer with the inner, the action with the intention, the speech with belief, and the practice with the preaching. As such, truthfulness is the very cornerstone of the upright Muslim’s character and the springboard for his virtuousness deeds.”
So if you truly love your wife or truly love your husband then that should be shown in your actions and in your speech.Your words should be consistent with that love. Abusive language,swearing etc. are inconsistent with this understanding.Being truthful is not a request but an order from the Prophet of Allah (s.a.w) when He said:
“I order you to be truthful, for indeed truthfulness leads to righteousness, and indeed righteousness to Paradise. A man continues to be truthful and strives for truthfulness until he is written as a truthful person with Allah.” (Saheeh Muslim)
To be truthful in your marriage is essential.It means telling the truth and meaning what you say. If you truly love your spouse than the limbs should manifest that truth.Showing truthfulness in your limbs and tongue will help you build a solid foundation in your marriage.
If you are not truthful in your total being then you are deceiving your mate.For example if you no longer care and desire your spouse but you continue to reside in the home or continue with the marriage itself when you know the marriage is over is deception.
Staying together for the sake of the kids is not only counterproductive but the children will see and internalize that negative energy that both of you exhibit. They will see that both of you no longer hug,spend time with each other,sleep in the same room etc.
Being truthful can land you in paradise with great reward.Allah says in His Mighty Book:
And whosoever obeys God and His Messenger, such will be in the company of those whom God has blessed: the Prophets, the truthful ones, the martyrs, and the righteous. And how excellent a company are such people!” (Surah An Nisa verse 69)
The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) gave us a beautiful formula by which we should conduct ourselves within our marriage and with that we can insure the foundation will remain strong.He said out of His Blessed mouth:
Guarantee for me six things and I will guarantee Paradise for you: tell the truth when you speak, fulfill your promises, be faithful when you are trusted, safeguard your private parts, lower your gaze, and withhold your hands (from harming others).” Reported by Ubaadah in As Saheehah
First The Prophet of Allah (s.a.w.) told us that if we were to be truthful we will be guaranteed paradise.How was it that we can be untruthful in our marriage and still expect the rewards of paradise.
Being true to your spouse, your marriage and being true to yourself is important for your marriage to be successful.The fulfillment of one’s promise is essential. Trust is built on keeping one’s word and that is that is very important to do.The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) was reported to have said:
“The signs of a hypocrite are three: (1) Whenever he speaks, he tells a lie; (2) whenever he promises, he always breaks his promise, and (3) if you trust him, he proves to be dishonest” . [Reported by Imams Bukhari and Muslim ]
Being faithful with what you have been entrusted is vital. The marital tie should be respected and honored. The Most High has given your wife and or your husband to you as a trust from Him and you should take care of that trust and properly maintain it and be careful with it and to not abuse or mistreat it in any way.Adultery is one of the biggest problems that a married couple can face.
Adultery can be devastating to a marriage because once the trust is gone then the marriage was soon falter. Adultery is one of the hardest things to ever reconcile with because it means that the spouse has gone outside of the relationship and has broken the bonds of the marital bond.I hope and pray that none of you have to endure the pain of adultery.
Restraining one’s glances is an obligation to ensure the trust in any marriage. For men we are visual creatures when he comes to women. We are attracted to women based upon what we see here and smell of a woman. Allah went to great pains to express the importance of lowering your gaze and guarding your modesty in the Holy Quran:
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do.” (Surah An-Nur verse 30)
Women like men are encouraged to lower there gaze as well.Allah also says in Surah An-Nur verse 31:
“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands’ fathers, or their sons or their husbands’ sons, or their brothers or their brothers’ sons or sisters’ sons, or their women, or their slaves, or male attendants who lack vigor, or children who know naught of women’s nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn unto Allah together, O believers, in order that ye may succeed.”
Jealousy is a very serious emotion. If we feel that our spouses’s heart has been penetrated because of some unwarranted or intentional glance at the opposite sex..then it could be a slippery slope towards marital discord. Lastly,withholding your hands from harming others especially your spouse is of utmost importance.
Domestic Abuse has permeated every aspect of society and can effect any marriage regardless of race,creed,religion,or national origin.Domestic violence is harmful no matter who is the victim,but, it is the violence against women that are the most common.
According to recent statistics published by the United Nations Entity for Gender Equality and the Empowerment of Women the following trends are alarming:
- In Guatemala, two women are murdered, on average, each day.
- In India, 8,093 cases of dowry-related death were reported in 2007; an unknown number of murders of women and young girls were falsely labeled ‘suicides’ or ‘accidents’.
- In Australia, Canada, Israel, South Africa and the United States, between 40 and 70 percent of female murder victims were killed by their intimate partners.
- In the State of Chihuahua, Mexico, 66 percent of murders of women were committed by husbands, boyfriends or other family members.
Violence and Young Women
- Worldwide, up to 50 percent of sexual assaults are committed against girls under 16.
- An estimated 150 million girls under the age of 18 suffered some form of sexual violence in 2002 alone.
- The first sexual experience of some 30 percent of women was forced. The percentage is even higher among those who were under 15 at the time of their sexual initiation, with up to 45 percent reporting that the experience was forced.
This behavior has a devastating effect on the Muslim Family and it can damage the marital bond exponentially.Two of the leading causes of Domestic Violence particularly that against women are intoxicants and anger.Allah and His Prophet (s.a.w.) has instructed us on how to deal with both issues.
First…..related to intoxicants Allah tells us that there is no real value in consuming intoxicants (I.e. Alcohol,Drugs,wine etc.):
“O you who have believed, indeed, intoxicants, gambling, [sacrificing on] stone alters [to other than Allah ], and divining arrows are but defilement from the work of Satan, so avoid it that you may be successful” (Surah Al Maidah verse 90)
In regards to anger..The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:
“the strong man is in fact the person who controls himself at the time of anger.” Saheeh Hadith
If we can control these two aspects in our lives then Domestic violence would be greatly reduced. All of these character traits are essential to promoting a healthy and loving marriage. Let’s decide today to be truthful in word,intention and deed.
Our ummah and our marriages depend on it and by extension our CHILDREN WILL GREATLY benefit from ENHANCED AND HEALTHY MARRIAGES. Lets love and be truthful with each other.When we do this then Allah will come to our aid and bless us as followers of Muhammad(s.a.w.).