Redefine your relationship
What is a relationship and why do so many people get caught up in the intoxication or emotion of the courting process?
Simply put a relationship is a way of relating to each other.
It is the ability to share and connect with another person at a deep level of relatedness on an ongoing basis, that expands your ability to enjoy your life.
And the reason why so many get hypnotized by the emotion of courting is because a relationship magnifies the human experience, ie emotions are more intense.
Are you scratching your head yet?
No need to. Let me simply tell you what this means for you.
The quality of your relationship is in direct proportion to the amount of yourself that you are able to share with your spouse.
In other words, the more you are able to
- and care
for your significant other the more extraordinary your relationship will become.
All too often people enter a relationship looking for what they can get instead of what they can give. They even go as far as keeping score; “I did this, and I always do that, and I gave this”.
That’s not a relationship that’s a transaction.
I’ve been doing lots of research lately on the Secret to extraordinary marriages and the common thread is this:
Your relationship is a place to give, not to get.
This doesn’t mean to forfeit your rights.
This simply means instead of becoming a “Rights Nazi,” raise the bar higher and always find ways to help your spouse. Look for new ways of adding ease, comfort, joy, and pleasure to your spouse’s life. What this will do is get your spouse’s attention quickly and will produce a sort of competition of who can do more.
Relax, I know it sounds like a lot of work.
I could almost hear your thoughts right now, “I’m not doing all of that. What about him? He needs to do that for me.”
A relationship goes both ways. And if you are in a relationship where one person is exhausting all their efforts, and the other is almost always on the receiving end, I guarantee you will become very burnt out, frustrated, and will have one foot out the door.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
You too can redefine your relationship.
Remember in the beginning when you both met?
Wasn’t it a very emotionally charged experience?
You couldn’t wait for his call.
You would count the minutes until he’d get off work.
Even when he belched, you thought it was cute, didn’t you?
It’s okay we all do it. It’s a very humanistic trait.
But what happens after the hormones are no longer producing such extreme amounts into your system?
What happens when you start getting irritated by the same habits that you originally thought was cute?
What happens after the years pass and you’re asking what happened to your prince charming? He’s changed.
No. He didn’t.
What changed is your emotional state. You’ve shifted from being intoxicated by the magnified experience of love, and guess what?
So did he.
It’s time to redefine your relationship.
The first thing you must figure out is where are you now.
If you’re looking at a road map, it will do you no good if you have no idea where you are. You have to be completely honest about yourself and your partner.
On a sheet of paper write down all the good and bad things about your relationship and have your partner do the same. Then compare notes.
You will be shocked at your partner’s perception of your relationship.
Next, write down all the good and not so good qualities about yourself, but through your partners’ lens.
In other words, pretend to be your partner and write down all your good traits and flaws, and don’t be modest. Have your partner do the same. Then compare notes.
It’s very interesting to see the results of this.
What’s the point of this exercise?
This exercise allows you to experience on a very small scale your relationship from your partner’s perspective. Sometimes we need to see ourselves the way our spouses see us so that we can become more accommodating to our spouses.
Remember what I said about the quality of your relationship, that it depends on your ability to share, connect, and give to your spouse? How can you share and give if you can only see one sided, i.e. your perspective?
Call to action:
I challenge you to take the next 30 days to live and experience your relationship through your partners eyes.
Oh, believe me it won’t be easy. In fact, depending on how long you’ve been in your relationship and how you live in your relationship it can be challenging.
Your partner may look at you as if you have six eyes on your forehead, but it’s okay. You may find yourself easily reverting back to your “regularly scheduled program.”
But keep going. This exercise will shift your viewpoint in your relationship. It will allow your unconscious mind to become more aligned with your consciousness. And that’s the old adage:
If you know better you do better.
During this process you may come across a situation that will bring about some unsure feelings.
Or, you may do something that you feel your spouse would like, and he may not respond in a manner that you expected.
It’s okay. You’re no mind reader.
What I need you to do at the point is communicate to him. Be very clear of the outcome you were looking for and be very understanding that the outcome you expected and the outcome that happened were not aligned and that is okay.
Communicate to him that you need just three minutes of his time, maybe a hug, or just to connect with him regardless of what he is doing. Tell him you need to feel close to him for just a couple of minutes and then he can go back to whatever he was doing.
Hopefully, he stops what he’s doing to appease you and still get a great outcome.
Let’s face it, relationships are an ongoing process.
- It will never be all good or all bad.
- It is a place where people find their greatest pleasures and deepest pains.
- It is a place of comfort, joy, repose, growth, stimulation, but it can also be pain, frustration, misunderstanding, doubt, and sadness.
You hold the key to your experience in your relationship and you must know that everything that lives must grow. If you find that you or your partner have stopped growing in your relationship your relationship is headed for danger, you must find new ways to redefine your relationship.
You must find new ways to heal your relationship, grow, be better and do more.
Don’t get comfortable in your relationship just as you can’t get comfortable in your health, time, career, or any other parts of your life that needs cultivation and maintenance.
The day you stop growing your relationship is the day it starts dying.
My name is Hujrah Wahhaj your Personal Relationship Development Coach and I look forward to you becoming the powerful soul you were born to be. Visit Hujrahwahhaj.com for more Free articles that will add value to your life and relationship!