20 – How To Protect Your Family From Pornography

20 – How To Protect Your Family From Pornography

Beware Of The Porno Torpedo

Family I grew up being fascinated with the US Navy. Aircraft carriers, battleships and submarines are amazing symbols of technological know how. My favorite naval vessel is the submarine. The submarine provides any admiral the element of surprise during any naval battle. Submarines fire torpedoes, missiles and other munitions from deep below the seas surface in order to destroy the enemy totally by surprise.
What if I told you that Satan is lurking just beneath the waters of your family’s sea preparing to fire a torpedo that could sink your marriage. This torpedo has caused major damage to many marriages. It is very prevalent and yet many people are embarrassed to talk about it.
“The Porno Torpedo” can and will eventually destroy your marriage.

Researchers say that over 65%of all internet searches are porn based. If fact there are over 400 million porn sites on the World Wide Web!! That is a starting statistic and since the porn industry caters to men…I would like to take this time to talk to all the brothers reading this article. Some brothers fail to see the shear magnitude in all of this.

So it is my duty to inform you of the pitfalls that porn will place in your path towards a happy and healthy marriage. Here are 10 ways that pornography can destroy your marriage.

  1. You become dishonest – When you decide to watch porn you usually do not want your wife to find out. Why?? It’s embarrassing and you do not want to tip her off that you’re secretly desiring other women so it causes you to lie and hide your whereabouts, phone calls, Internet searches etc.. Deceitful behavior will erode the very foundation of your marriage.
  2. You’re wasting your time – Watching porn on line for example will cause you to waste a lot of time. Staying up all night watching porn for example causes you to loose sleep and you will have less energy during the day. This will in turn will cause you to be drowsy and lethargic during peak times. The hours lost at work watching porn on your phone or your work computer (which is really dangerous because now they have software to track your activities) when you would’ve been more productive. Quality time you would’ve spent with your wife will suffer. How can you go for a walk in the park when you are asleep during the day because you been up all night?? Your time with her will slowly decrease.
  3. You become a hermit – Because viewing porn is addictive and personal you constantly need to be alone to enjoy your habit. So you may “check out” from your family and friends. You refuse to leave the house or even your room. Family and friends no longer appeal to you because they get in the way of your enjoyment. You slowly pull away from your wife because she “gets in the way” of your “fun”.
  4. Always on the defensive – When you engage in porn it forces you to live a secret life. You become very defensive when others ask you what’s going on or why your so sleepy all the time?? You feel that others are out to get you so you constantly try to prove them wrong. And because you are on edge…it will surely lead to arguments and feuds with your wife. Trust me…your wife by this stage will sense something is wrong and her mental gears will be in motion.
  5. You will start being critical of her appearance – You see brothers…when you watch these pornographic videos and you see all this attractive and very voluptuous women on the screen…you will compare them to your wife. Even though these same women may receive various types of plastic surgery to alter their appearance you still want your wife to look like them or a specific women you desire. So you ask your wife “Why can’t you wear your hair like this??” or “Can you please loose some weight??”. All the time it is turning your heart away from your wife and towards this other woman or women. Meanwhile your wife is feeling inadequate because she just can’t measure up to this new vision of yours. She starts to feel unwanted and unneeded.
  6. You will not “be there” during sex – Brothers….when you get so deep into this evil…you check out during sex. Sure physically you will be there, but, your mind and heart will be absent. Your wife can tell because ALLAH has blessed her to know instinctively all about you because she studies you. You’re having sex with her but you are not MAKING LOVE TO HER. Why?? Your mind is not on her. It’s own this other woman from the video and that is what excites you in addition to all of this it is becoming more and more difficult to reach a “happy ending”.
  7. Your Sex Drive will DECREASE – Brothers….when you watch these videos your going to masturbate over and over again. What this does is it causes you to get a physical need met whenever you wish. You no longer have to wait on your wife to put the kids to sleep or get home from the store. You can satisfy that urge anytime you wish and when this happens YOU NO LONGER NEED HER. Think about it. You will start to loose not only interest in her but in sex generally speaking. You don’t have to worry about emotions or time schedules. Porn is convent anytime right at your fingertips and it doesn’t have a mouth or menses (sorry sisters please do not be angry. I’m in a zone here.) Also it will become more difficult for you to have an orgasm. Your wife will become frustrated with your performance and you will start to wonder about your own virility.
  8. You want her to be sexual vixen over night – Because you find it difficult to reach completion and she is becoming increasingly frustrated with your performance…you ask her to do things that may be uncomfortable for her. This may include oral sex, anal sex, S & M, “Golden Showers” and all kinds of risqué behavior that she may not want to do. You demand these things because you are used to seeing it and as a result you want to replicate that in your marriage. The problem is SHE MAY NOT BE READY OR WILLING TO PARTICIPATE in your escapades. This will lead to arguments and frustration again. It may lead you to go outside of that marriage and find someone else to fulfill those “fantasies” which is a different conversation all together.
  9. You will say “Just forget it” – When the level of frustration in the bedroom reaches this level…you decide to pull away from her. You get angry and may even blame her for not wanting to please you in the bedroom but in reality because of the porn you have set the bar so high that you have placed a wedge between both of you. So you turn your back on the sister and walk away from the bedroom all together. She is feeling unwanted and sad and you do not have that sense of fulfillment that comes from satisfying your wife in the bedroom. So you return to porn and your marriage continues to erode and implode.
  10. You created an idol in your mind – Because you’ve engaged in this hidden behavior you have succeeded in tricking the brain into believing that you need porn to survive. In essence this is a form of shirk (idolatry) because the only one that we should depend on for our survival is ALLAH. Look at what one researcher said about porn and how it effects the brain.

“Your brain is designed to reward behaviors that are directly linked to your survival, like eating. To reward you when you do these things, the brain will release a chemical called dopamine, which causes pleasure. Dopamine is released when you eat after being hungry, when you close your eyes when you’re tired, when you come in a warm house out of the cold. Dopamine is why all those things “feel good”.

The brain recognizes that you’ve done something to help it survive, so it rewards you with dopamine.

Releasing dopamine also causes the brain to take extra special care to memorize the circumstances surrounding the release of dopamine. It’s your body’s way of making you remember what exactly you did that made you feel so good. Because it won’t do your body any good if it releases dopamine but later you can’t remember what on earth you did to feel so good.

So when your brain releases dopamine, it stores certain things about your environment permanently in your memory, so that when you encounter those environmental circumstances again, it’ll be a trigger and you’ll remember to do whatever you did that released dopamine.

Neat system, eh? So what does this have to do with pornography?

When you look at pornography, it stimulates your brain to release massive amounts of dopamine, like it does during sex (which perpetuates survival of the species). To your brain, just the fact that an activity was rewarded with dopamine at all means it must have been critical to your survival.

So, because you released dopamine, your brain (and therefore you) is tricked into thinking that pornography is essential to your survival – just as essential as eating.

So now that your brain thinks pornography is essential to survival, to just “stop looking” at pornography is just as hard for you as it would be to just “stop eating” or to just “stop sleeping”. Your body is telling you you have to do it to survive. You’ve created a kind of instinct.

Also when you’ve released all that dopamine your body created memories of that experience – triggers, like you sitting down at your computer – that, when you run into them again, will always remind you that you “need” to look at pornography.

So every time you sit down at your computer, your brain will tell you to look at pornography, and that you need to do it to survive. You’ve made it an instinctual urge like hunger.”

If you find yourself in this downward spiral described above there is a way out. First my brother turn back to ALLAH and seek His forgiveness.Allah says the meaning is:

“Say: O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Sûrah al-Zumar: 53]

Once you’ve turn back to Him it is imperative that you adhere to the key conditions in order for that repentance to be accepted. They are:

Turn to ALLAH (GOD) ALONE TO FORGIVE YOU. Never turn to anything or anyone other than ALLAH to forgive you because they have no power to do so.

“Those whom you call on besides Allah are slaves like yourselves, so call on them, then let them answer you, if you are truthful.” [Surah Al Araf:194]

  1. You must have remorse in your heart for committing the sin.
    You must make a SINCERE EFFORT to stop the sin you’ve committed. Even if you fail and you sin again…NEVER GIVE UP!!!
  2. Resolve in your mind that you will not return to that sin again. EVEN IF YOU FALL WEAK AND REPEAT IT….NEVER GIVE UP AND STAY ON YOUR PATH TOWARDS ALLAH.
  3. If necessary remove yourself from situations, places or people who remind you or encourage you to commit the sin.

Secondly.…you must fear ALLAH and adhere to his commandments. Allah has given us instructions in His book that if we were to live by them our lives will be much easier. ALLAH orders us as men to be cognizant of what we look at ESPECIALLY IF ITS A WOMAN THAT YOU COULD THEORETICALLY MARRY. ALLAH tells us in the Quran the meaning is:

“Tell the BELIEVING MEN to reduce (some) of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do.” [Surah An Nur:30]

So we must remember these injunctions from ALLAH and change our behavior.

Thirdly… YOU MUST ADMIT AND SUBMIT TO THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE AN ISSUE. Stop lying and fooling yourself and seek professional help. This is an addiction and it has to be treated as such. If not your marriage will be destroyed and you will continue to go further and further away from your wife and ALLAH. Lastly there are some things you can do right now to protect your family and to aid you in avoiding falling any further Into this sin. They include:

  1. Install a filter on your computers, phones, and tablets etc.. This will help detour you or anyone else from falling into this sin. If you have fallen into this evil ask your wife or someone you trust to install the filter so you do not have any of the access codes.
  2. Keep all computers in an easily accessible room.
  3. Fill your home with the remembrance of Allah. Mention ALLAH much in your conversations in the home.
  4. Make your home a place of prayer. Encourage your wives and small children to pray in the home while you go to the Masjid with your older children for example.
  5. If you allow a television in your home monitor carefully what is being watched.
  6. Periodically check your children’s computers and phones (Ok…Ok…. I hear you but hey it’s a cruel world out there and you must protect your children.)
  7. Stay away from places that remind you of the sin and surround yourself with family and friends in order to avoid being alone.
  8. Make Love to your wife often to calm those urges.
  9. Read the stories of how some of these actresses and actors got started in porn. Most of them are the victims of sexual abuse, drug abuse and broken homes. If you remind yourself of that maybe it will help you stay away from this evil.
  10. Teach your children to view sex as a very intimate and beautiful act between two MARRIED PEOPLE. Restore the sanctity of lovemaking to the bedroom between a man and his wife.
  11. Sit down and read the lyrics of some of today’s music and juxtapose that with what ALLAH and His Messenger (May The Peace and Blessings of Allah Be Upon Him) has given us. Teach them that what they are being exposed to will destroy the foundation of the family and move them further and further away from Allah.

Brothers this evil is real and we must protect ourselves and our family from this satanic torpedo. Satan wants to destroy the family and we can not allow that to happen.

Let’s send depth charges (bombs dropped from the side of a battleship, cruiser etc. that detonate upon reaching a certain depth in the sea intended to destroy submarines) of Taqwa and Good Character down to that satanic submarine and destroy that evil vessel before it gets a chance to launch an attack.


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